Day 10

Today was full of excuses. Part two.

I don’t know if I was kidding myself earlier when I said that it was becoming easier to make myself go to the gym.  Because it is hard. Today I felt like all the motivation in the world wasn’t going to get me to go to the gym.  I don’t know, it’s like, ever since I saw that personal trainer, I thought it was going to…inspire me. But I feel like it only brought me down.  The excuses were the same as yesterday.  I’m too tired.  I have to get up early.  I have to go to bed early.  One more show.  (Did I mention that I watch way too much TV?)

So I stopped in the middle of last seasons Once Upon A Time.  I love the show but I just stopped watching it.   I keep wanting to start back up.  This new season looks fantastic. I decided that if I’m going to sit and watch this tv show, I might as well walk and watch it instead.  So I went.  I got on a treadmill and for 45 minutes picked up from where I left off.  I’m excited to see the next episode.  But what’s more…I’m glad I went to the gym today.

Once Upon A Time

Once Upon A Time

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Day 8

So I went to the gym to take a class today.  My plan was to officially do my weigh-in and see if I made any progress.  And I didn’t do it.  I walked right past the scale. Twice.  I have no idea why. I really want to know where I’m at after my first week.  I just didn’t.

I met up with an old friend for the class.  That made it a ton easier to get myself to the gym. It was like an appointment I couldn’t miss.  When it’s just me going to the gym, I can push it off for an hour or 3.  Today I knew what time I needed to be there and just went.  It was nice.  Not having to push myself to go.  I was especially scared that because I didn’t go yesterday I would put it off today as well.  But I went.

You can't make old friends. You either have them or you don't.

You can’t make old friends. You either have them or you don’t.

Day 6

When I signed up for the challenge, I also signed up to see a personal trainer.  I figured the more motivation the better.  Today was my first session.  I don’t know what I thought was going to happen.  I don’t know what I expected.  I was nervous driving to the gym.  I think… I was expecting that he would show me the various machines and how to use them.  That he would see what I already knew and what I needed to know.  That’s not what happened.  I don’t know.  I don’t think I liked it.  I didn’t feel as if he was helping me with what I needed to achieve to lose weight.  I didn’t feel pushed the whole time.  I might go to one more session and see if it’s any different.   I mean, it’s the first one so it has to go up from there.

I feel as if I’m finally getting into a habit of going to the gym. I know it’s early…only 6 days.  But it’s more than I’ve gone in the last 6 months.  I’m seeing a little progress.  I’ve gotten on the scale every day.  I know I’m not supposed to.  I don’t see any difference in my clothes.  I just want to see if it’s working. And it is.  A little.  Again, I know it’s only been 6 days so I shouldn’t be expecting to see a big jump.

I’ve heard people say that when they workout they feel better throughout the day.  I think that is b.s.  I don’t feel better.  I don’t necessarily feel worse but it doesn’t make me feel better.  I think I still have the same amount of energy I had before I started working out.  Maybe as time goes by I’ll start to feel different about it.

Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect.

Remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect.

Day 5

For the 90 day challenge, one of the requirements is that I need to take before and after photos. I usually don’t like taking photos.  I’m the one who turns my head or covers my face.  I’ve been putting it off since I signed up.  The photo itself needs to show as much as my body, while being tasteful.  No standing in the mirror and taking the photo.  I need to have someone take the photo of me in a sports bra and shorts.  I already asked my sister to do it.  She said sure, just tell her when.  I asked her 5 days ago.  I don’t usually have a problem with the way I look.  I’ve seen myself in mirrors and photos. But for some reason, taking this simple photo is tough for me to do.   That is today’s goal.

There’s a zumba class later today.  I’m going to check it out.  I like dancing.  But as I said before.  I do not like the mirrors.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. -Bill Cosby

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. -Bill Cosby

Day 4

I ended up going for only about 30 minutes yesterday.  But I went.  That’s all that matters.  It was easier to go today.  I got home from work, immediately changed and left for the gym.  I had fun.  I still hate those mirrors.  But I had fun.

I’ve been eating pretty good lately too.  No fried food. Nothing greasy. But today. Today was bad. I went to the gym earlier today than I had the last few days.  Then it was dinner and I was famished.  I know.  Who says famished?  I was craving a burger. And fries.  I should have stopped myself. There were plenty of other options. Healthier options.  But the burger and fries won me over.  I’m going to say it was me getting it out of my system.

yeah it sucks....keep going!

yeah it sucks….keep going!

Day 3

I went yesterday.  I found this running for beginners page. It was hard.

I don’t think people realize how hard it is to get started. How hard it is to keep going.  How hard it is to not revert to old ways.  Or maybe they do realize. Maybe it’s just me who is coming to the realization.  It was so easy before to come home from work and lounge on the couch and watch T.V.  I watch a lot of T.V.

Here I am again in my work clothes just trying to motivate myself into changing into workout clothes.  To go to the gym.   I’ve looked at countless quotes.  Something to keep me going.  I think this blog helps me though.  I know I want to write something tomorrow.  And I don’t ever want to write that I failed.

Just do it. -Nike

Just do it. -Nike

Day 2

Today I am sad.

I went. I just got in my car and drove there.  I was very proud of myself for taking that first step.  Although, I have taken that first step plenty of times before.  Hopefully, this time will be different.

At my gym, they are having this 90 day transformation challenge.  I figured I needed something to keep me coming back.  So I signed up. It was really nerve wrecking.  I think the trainer who got all my measurements thought I was very un-friendly because I was not saying anything.  In my mind all I could think of was this is a huge commitment.  Am I ready to commit to this?  What if I fail?  Then, I told myself to just do it.  You want this. Start talking. Ask questions. And I did.  He told me that in order to actually succeed I need to follow a good meal plan and exercise 5-6 days a week.  The first I don’t think will be that hard for me to do.  It’s the go to the gym 5 times a week that freaks me out.  I barely went 1 time a month much less 1 time a week before. I’m not sure I will be able to push myself into going.  Even with signing up for the challenge.  I’m still not sure I can do this.

I took a workout class while I was there.  The music was loud. The moves were fun.  The mirrors were awful.  Not in the sense that they were bad mirrors. But looking at my body in those mirrors, I started to feel bad about myself.  Don’t get me wrong. I’m an obese person. I know I am.  I know how much I weigh. I know what size clothes I shop for. I know how tight my clothes are.  But I’ve taken those classes before.  Give or take about 20 pounds ago.  And I’ve seen myself in those mirrors before.  I know how big I am.  I’ve seen myself and thought… “Man, you need to lose weight.”  But after that class was over, I looked at my body in the mirror, all I could think was…. “You.  Are.  Fat.”  And it made me sad. That’s the state of mind I’m still in today.  Sad.

I still think about failing.  I still wonder if this commitment is too much.  Even though I want this,  is this something I will be able to do?  I still need to go today.  Hopefully, this time will be different.

I am not depressed- Amelie Pascual

I am not depressed- Amelie Pascual